Recap this weekend

I think i haven't write since last thursday or so

anyway on wednesday we took julie to get her costume for halloween

still this kid just never appreciated anything and seriously can't be good with all the time

so we started to do some math multiple together -- i start with number 6 with her and we will work it until 12 ... 

just like what i used to do in school...

still have to do her math sheet with after she done her 12

anyway on thursday,, i can't remember thing much,but i took julie to target and got her couple personal things -- those bra, underwear and something else..

then i told her if she did something good i will take her to library on friday .. but yet-- after 4 hours i had to stuck at home-- she didn't get anything so i left to fitness, burlingtons and come back

when i came back, guess what she did.. run away to play with her friend next door

it is okay,but since i asked her how's math.. nope she didn't get anything

so well i went to library and fareway to get jd some lunch for tonight

anyway i went with julie to walmart ankeny-- looked for math book ,but then i got box for flashcard instead and ink for $12 i think cheaper than staples 

then tj max-- i got my blue denim dress-- it is cute and i think i can use it some days.. 

i kept do julie's flashcard until past 11.45 --

jd's boss called and oop! i was about 15 min late

not good 

on saturday i woke up a bit early for reach out to dropouts -- i worked with genevior and paul

i didn't really help them much,but at lease we are good team, i think

i don't know about them

came back at 11.45 am

it was rain all day though

anyway came back saw kitchen didn't clean and julie just watch tv, color her color book

-- i was pissed and seem she doesn't know she has to do at all when im not home

'anyway i left after she finished clean the kitchen

drove to vonmaur , valley west mall for steve madden t-shirt and free shoes

too bad, i didn't get any chance for it,but i got t-shirt

seriously next time if i have to get a brandname shirt and stuff.. im size M should get size L

why they have to make size smaller than i think i am

oh well 

lazer girl was there,too 

im thinking and thinking should i do it and i just got my answer today- i won't do until im done my p90x and have some pretty ab on my stomach and be fitter and stronger

so done with that and they will be lazer number 4 ,too so even better to try on my favorite number

came back at 7 because i thought toni will bring julie back,but then i have to bring jd some lunch at 8 pm

i forgot my phone, my keys in the house so i have to walk to firestone--

glad it stopped raining 

anyway toni brought julie back around 9

we talked a bit,but i have to work tomorrow so i think i went to bed not too long after that

today julie wasn't a good kid at all

her mouth keeps running with no brain and i hate that-- don't know what will help her with that--

maybe i have to do some meditation with her

just sit and close her eyes- say something

i should check on meditation for kid

then sunday came

no customer-- say about 40 and that's it

bored and so sleepy so we done at 8.30 pm

by the time 9 pm, we got out of there

came home , brought jd some lunch and oh while at work.. i read real simple

one article about why am i become american

so many people and so many motivated in them -- some because they want to be with their lover, some because they want to run away from the past, some because they want a better life

so i am thinking to myself why do i want to be here? which i will talk about it in next one 

 

MINI Trampoline!

Yes--

i received my b-day present today from my sister--

actually i got it yesterday,but well i wait until today to open :)

it is a mini trampoline --i have been want to buy it from walmart,but because it is a bit pricey for my situaton right now

that's why i never bought it :)

anyway i don't have to buy it now because my sister got it for me-- hoo-ray !!!

also i have my 3 years old niece wrote me card-- love pha-O!!

with little heart-- that's awesome!!

i don't think i want to ask for anything,but i will ask to see if my hubby will do something for me ;)

so far he just laying there watching TV and i thik i should get ready to go work out soon

i have to run to bak at  and bring my 5 puppies with mom to the vet-- will be $300 out of pocket today --

oh welllllll.......

what a day ,but it is a good day!! 

Why people cheat all the time??

 Today while i was having sex with JD then my mind was wandering out somewhere..

that's bad!!

anyway it was before he spotted my likliness though so that's my excuse

by the way--

i was thinking maybe because of people especially those teens want to have sex-- that's why they are looking to be in relationship

they don't have money to go find prostitute and well it is illegal here as well so

just go out there find boyfriend or girlfriend

who will absolutely take care of you when you want,

go out with you when you can't find a friend

bring you something to eat or bring you something enjoy

listen to you when you have problem with school or with your family

the best part when you find boyfriend or girlfriend who will buy stuffs for you even it isn't that last long

so far i ask, they will  probably have sex in about 2-3 times after they think this is the one then relationship might last for 4-5 months but it save a lot of money--

don't you think

save money to go to counselor

save money to buy your own food-- well some might have to buy,but i guess it is part of the deal

save yourself to go to prostitute and might get sick or whatever disease from them

having a girlfriend/boyfriend is just like having your own toy who actually alive and well listen-- communicate with you

not many last long

then the smart one or in another hand the stupid one--get to married that person

then the smart one , try to do everything to work relationship out..

be a good husband or be a good wife -- continue life that it should be-- start a family and be a good parents

the stupid one-- got maried- ruin everything that family supposed to be- cheat on their wife/ their husband

the worst part if they have children-- so they ruin everything

but again-- a lot of people still doing it

and it doesn't make any sense to me

it is okay to be fantasized about something,but as long as only you know about it or maybe a lot of people know about it,but not happen in real-- it is fine for me,but i don't know about others

Oop!!

Did i mention that i am going to have interview with immigration this october 12th

hope things are going okay-- i just have to find valid ID and bring that paper

today im supposed to go for orientation about reach out to drop out,but if i have to watch ashley-- i guess i won't be doing it this saturday

well i could just ask Jd to watch ashley while im gone for an hour-- but i feel bad for him already for working everyday on behave of my family money going...

i spend and he makes--

doesn't sound good at all

anyway today i  just have to drop some letter to my mom and send some stuffs to mae-- her new born baby

then i might take ashley to park and she might going to swim,but let's see the weather

talking about last night--

i went to bed -say at 8.30 so jd called for his food around 11.48 pm-- i saw it,but i didn't pick it up so i know that he is starving-- i should do something for him today-- maybe bring him something to eat-- i might have to cheak those sausage and also chicken thighs-- maybe i can make some for him...

or maybe i just bring that to buffet -- chicken thigh

i did some cream corn/coconut pies today-- it does look good so does smell really good

what else???

nothing--

today bone is gone and too bad, i didn't have chance to say hi to him--

well i know that i will see him again some day some how...

last night i watched my wife and kids-- that larry guy on the feneral is so funny!!!

but the family is way funnier--

i better be done now  cuz i gotta go take shower before my real day start and come back do some zumba-- i hope i could try to do it today also watch that p90x

fun fun!!!

WTF (again..!!)

I went to Immigration again today because seem like im done with deporting case and we are going to file for greencard and also work permit

funny thing is --

is....

been 4 YEARS that i have been asking to get my ticket back becuase at least i can get money back and use it for something  else..

they kept tell me that my  passport is in omaha.. in chicago,but never here so today after we talked to the lady

and she went into the room..

brought my 2 passports and also plane ticket with the word.. your passport just expired last month

i was like you have my ticket all along,but when i asked for it--none of them want to return it to me..

none!!

it was okay that my passport expired,but come on--

$1500 isn't that little money that you will hold it and never return it to me so i can at least get my money back since you hold my case

jd was like.. keep singing rihanna's song-- take it, take it!!

sure it was fun for him--

then we went down to IRS-- asking maybe i can get my ITIN number

so we can do the deduction for my 3-4 years that live here that i never ask to deduct money for anything and also for school...

the lady was a bit mad at jd that he threw her paper away so when she asked me something and jd tried to answer for me...

she said.. i am talking to her,not you!!

ka-pow!!

just like that!!

oh well today it is hot-- i thought it will be a bit chilli like yesterday so i wear long sleeve with jeans and boots..

man! it is hot and i look like i don't know how to wear according to the weather or another word-- look like an idiot!!

got letter from my mom and also haung already sent money so i should send her stuffs soon!!!

that's it for today in my day,but this is just half day so i know something else will come later!!!

hope it is better,too!!!

Saturday -- 3rd day volunteer at habitat 20/10

it was yesterday that i forced myself to get up early in the morning, took shower and rush myself to SE 10th and Maury street to be part of habitat volunteer 20/10

the first and second day was great -- well not so great,but way better than the third time

this is just my opinion and it is just me

no don't blame me- because it is my opinion though

i got there a bit late say 8.30 am -- i supposed to be there at 7,but it was rain so i chose to cuddle with my lovely husband ...

so got there , talked with amber-- i think it is her name--

she is probably the girl with really cheer up aura-- it is a good thing :)

so i asked to be back at house #9 again

when i got there-- nobody that i know and oh well seem like i have to work with new people again

not a big deal! i think

i stood around checking what are those people doing and tried to tell them what did we do yesterday so they have some idea what to do to continue

the answer i got from those two assholes was " i know!" and that's it!

okay then so i tried not to say anything,but asked the crew leader maybe i can do something else,but again the answer from crew leader was seem you know what you are doing, why don't you keep do siding if you don't mind....

one thing came into my mind was if i don't mind, im probably not gonna open my mouth asking you to change my task,but this is because i do mind that's why i try not to be with this two assholes

anyway i tried to do whatever that i can-- not talk much,just try to be a good helper with my mind keep wandering--

either these two assholes aren't like  to listen to a women

or they are really hate asians or racists

oh well i try to think less and try so hard in positive thinking like

"these isn't everyday that you will meet up with asshole so today must be my lucky day to test myself"

then my negative mind just came cut through and said

"yes,but again not only one today,but two assholes"

okay my mind!!!

anyway it was rain, sprikling and cold so i stood myself maybe 3 hours and then i decided to leave

reason -- it is raining and i don't want to catch a cold-- i have to work tomorrow

so i came home-- it was stink, not clean so i put julie to clean the kitchen and also her room

talked with jd about it and he told me-- it is worst at his work--

he has to deal with this situation that i just met everyday

the worst part is they don't even care about hoe safety of others

his life can be in danger,but none of them care

just like that .....

i feel so bad for jd and think maybe i should do something else to make his life better at home..

so at least he has a happy home

i must change myself be nice to his daughter even i hate it so bad

i keep thinking about things that happened at house number 9 all day then i came up with couple things

" i give my respect others just the same that i want them to respect me,but if they don't give me some respect.. not only i won't respect them.. i will degrede them to hell on earth"

" i will be better than everyone.. better career, better house, better life, better education and all i want from them is just envy and jealous that they can't have life like me"

' i won't dress sexy for others, show or explode myself to others only for my husband and for the money tat i accept only"

' im thinking about do another blog call -- inthenaived-mindoflittleasiangirlinthe greatamerica... still can't decide should i have a blank on each word or just like one word long that hard to read just like that"

then i have question -- how come asians are so outstanding or be preferable a lot here especially girls then i came up those people who said this either they never see any asian or they just love to be different... well i totally lost with this phrase,but i again don't care..lol

still want to be firefighter and globetrotter

Just wright!

 just finised watching 'just wright" 

with queen latifah ...

i was crying in the part that they were in piano room together..

reason?

can't remember ... Damn, O! why did you mention about that then ...idk!

anyway there was one part that i started to feel it was me.. i have part of her life in me

funny,huh?

no... it isn't

see i have all the beau friends .. i mean since i can remember...

i was popular in school and yes! i mean it..

i can be friend with everybody ...

the loners, the jogs, the nerds, the cheerleaders

just name it...

and i also have more guy friends if compare to number of girl friends

but never ever have boyfriend

and none until i got married with my husband...

he is the first one and i guess the last guy

i have personalities that seem like all guys like..

im fun, i like to say things and i never shy to speak out ..

im just me-- the way i am my whole life..

but nope--

this is not what they want to be their girlfriend type

i can be the best friend they ever have..

but not gonna be their girlfriend

i just start to feel why? and then i realized

i only want one in my life

i might be wanted to have boyfriend,but i actually not seriously looking for it

or even i did-- i turned to be their best friend .

because again-- im not their type- not with this look!

and i don't have any female personalities that if i want this guy, i will change my life/my face/myself for him-- just to get him

im just being me and

now im happy that i am me 100% me

Im the most happiest women in this world !!!

:)

what if?

 i keep asking myself everyday same questions

what if i didn't come here  in the first place what my life will be right now?

what if i didn't stay at that house in that morning?

what if i didn't ignore my scholarship to go to wsu or tu 10 years ago?

what if i didn't answer his e-mail?

what if my sister didn't insist me to drop me here?

what if...... 

i have life full of what if and regret -- i ain't gonna lie to you,but then when people asking me what have i regret the most..

i can't even answer 

because my regret comes along with what if

am i happy? 

i don't even know

am i enough with that i have? 

i don't even know what i have 

what do i want the most? 

i don't even know maybe paper,but then if i have paper-- what's next? 

i don't know

am i happy? 

am i? 

do i make somebodyelse happy? 

i don't know and i am quite sure that the answer is no

am i a happy person?

i have definately say i used to be --not anymore

been 4years in hell -- around people that i don't even really know them

am i happy? 

am i? 

am i?

Fuck!

Nicely start :)

well im still piss about the guy who lives downstair ....

why? good question

okay i know it is a little thing,but yes-- im just kinda person that little things bother me and especially with small things that i don't want to give a damn with much but yes that seem like things that bothering me all the time

okay tell me this-- how hard can it be to close the door nicely?

that's it!

yes im fucking serious! that's it..

this thing bothering me

i can't set alarm if the door isn't close and it won't bother me much if i didn't went downstair and told him once before which was 2 days ago...

fuck!

i think i almost feel good...

nah! i hate when things can't go acording to my plan and yes -- just a small thing!

just the door doesn't close -- ruin my night --

just like that!

fuck!

fuck!

fuck!

i hate my fucking sunday

i hate my fucking life

i hate that i can't do any fucking things that i know i can do

i hate that i can't fucking drive-- i even hate that this fucking city doesn't even have a fucking good transportation system

i hate my life here--

i hate everything here about this fucking family

i hate my fucking me

hate everything!

fuck!

fuck!

fuck!

praise you in this strom

Today is my SISSY's birthday :)

 What should i say more--she turns 26 and still look like 17

Awesome!!!

Agh.... So Sored!!!

Woke up this morning-- Oh man!!!

my both arms sored like the first day i went back to gym..

Not COOL!!!!

but i should be expected this though, right?

hard work comes with good sored --

right?

hmm.. maybe

oh well i forced myself up for farmers market  and yes! i did it

one thing i don't get it..

how come my sister always forget me when she mentioned she will go somewhere and yes, i want to go with

i even confirm with her that i will go

i guess i am that boring or not have value for her like her boyfriend or her daughter

but again when i did the same thing to her-- then i get blame for it

weird,but oh well what can i do

right?

anyway came home... actually im planning to go to gym,but way too much sored for me so i went to sleep with jd until 4 pm...

felt a bit better after that,but then even i want to go to bed early.. i can't

cuz i want to bring jd some lunch at 11.40 so i cooked around 8 and went to drop him food

didn't taste right,but i didn't really bother about change it to the same wayi used to though

bad cook!!!

so i guess im going to bed soon -- maybe in about 30 min

hope when i said in 30 min-- it is 30 minutes :)

today was fun :)

Today i woke up at 6.15 AM ...yes! i mean AM!!! ben an age since i tried to wake up that early and it because i am going to be volunteer for habitat for humanity -- i hope i get the name right? oh well

 it was awesome!!!

i love it!!

okay went to the building on second nd avenue-- at 7.15 am nobody's there!! hmmm... what should i do maybe just go to quiktrip, grap something to eat.. i did so i had really delicious chicken-bacon bisbuit for breakfast and man! that filled  me all day long-- im serious :)

so i decided to drive to the destinated site which is se10th and maury and yes! they all there--

it was cold,but im glad that i wear long sleeve shirt :)

stand there with the lady that seem like she didn't want to talk to  me much -- oh well

nobody wants to talk to me ..

still can't figure that out until now why?

am i have a really bad breathe?

am i not pretty enough to have conversation with?

 am i look unfriendly?

am i ..

oh whattaheck -- tell me should i care

don't want to talk to me- fine!

i just go do whatever i come to do... that's it!!!

well standing there like invisible girl until 8.30 am, i guess been about 30 mins since i stood there...

a lot of people arrived and yes! still stood like invisible girl there....

had a little meet& greet brife meeting from chuck! he is my big huge crash!!! yes-- i have a big crush on the 60 years old guy --hahaha

we all get separated ( oh shit! what word am i using -- i didn't go with anyone?)

okay rephrase!!!

 the crew leader designed each volunteers by number or whatever they fell like to do so i chose to stick with the last crew-- still got no idea what am i doing?

7-8 people -- seem they all know each others-- awesome .....not! for me

went to house lot # 10 moved all the wall and another a couple moved, seem we had an idea what will be next so moved up and down-- i broke that blue foam thing and hey i had a girl helping me ..

am i look snob?

anyway we moved to house number 6 and moved couple things,too

time for lunch-- i now had an idea why those other volunteers didn't  talk to me-- they think im going to live here andi have to come here because it is in the agreement..

oh snap!

well funny to know that others think asian like me can't be volunteer.. nice!

well then we had lunch-- i got to know lady named jamie and we went to tasty taco--

it was good,but man! im full just burrito,but trying to be nice and not wasted money i had to eat it all

during lunch , we talked with one of the crew leader name amber-- she is really nice ;)

back to the house number 1 and 2 .. fun! we did until 2.30 pm, i guess-- it rained  so around 2.45 pm... i left...

it stopped when i arrived home though so i didn't know that they go back and doing it or not..

i guess i find out about that later ...

anyway came home -- bought jd some lunch and i had my dinner from buffet leftover.. it was yummy!!

my p90x arrived today too-- so i have to set date for that .. soon !! otherwise i will just leave this thing on the table and never touch it again :)

i think soon after i finished blogging, i will read the book about it ;)

Yeah-- so exciting!!!

anyway i already signed up for couple more of volunteer

here is my list

Volunteer Confirmation

  

- 1-General Construction Volunteer! [Thursday, Sep 16th, 7:00AM - 5:30PM]

- 4-Food Service & General Support Volunteer [Friday, Sep 17th, 7:00AM - 5:30PM]

- 5-First Aid Volunteer [Saturday, Sep 18th, 7:00AM - 12:30PM]

- 1-General Construction Volunteer! [Thursday, Sep 30th, 7:00AM - 5:30PM]

- 1-General Construction Volunteer! [Friday, Oct 1st, 7:00AM - 5:30PM]

- 5-First Aid Volunteer [Saturday, Oct 2nd, 7:00AM - 3:00PM]

 

also reach out for drop out on sept 25th from 8.45 am to 12 pm

 

... still can't remember when i have to go for training-- i think it is tuesday ,but what time ???

Damn!! i should remember it before time arrived!!

 

gotta end up with this picture-- i just found on google!!

 

 

WHO!!!

Just a Dream

I was thinkin about her, thinkin about me.

Thinkin about us, what we gonna be?

Open my eyes, yeah; it was only just a dream.

So I travel back, down that road.

Who she come back? No one knows.

I realize, yeah, it was only just a dream.

I was at the top and I was like I’m at the basement.

Number one spot and now she found her a replacement.

I swear now I can't take it, knowing somebody's got my baby.

And now you ain't around, baby I can't think.

Shoulda put it down. Shoulda got that ring.

Cuz I can still feel it in the air.

See her pretty face run my fingers through her hair.

My lover, my life. My shorty, my wife.

She left me, I'm tied.

Cuz I knew that it just ain't right.

I was thinkin about her, thinkin about me.

Thinkin about us, what we gonna be?

Open my eyes, yeah; it was only just a dream.

So I travel back, down that road.

Who she come back? No one knows.

I realize, yeah, it was only just a dream.

When I be ridin man I swear I see her face at every turn.

Tryin to get my usher over, I can let it burn.

And I just hope she notice she the only one I yearn for.

Oh I miss her when will I learn?

Didn't give her all my love, I guess now I got my payback.

Now I'm in the club thinkin all about my baby.

Hey, she was so easy to love. But wait, I guess that love wasn't enough.

I'm goin through it every time that I'm alone.

And now i'm missin, wishin she'd pick up the phone.

But she made a decision that she wanted to move one.

Cuz I was wrong.

And I was thinkin about her, thinkin about me.

Thinkin about us, what we gonna be?

Open my eyes, yeah; it was only just a dream.

So I travel back, down that road.

Who she come back? No one knows.

I realize, yeah, it was only just a dream.

If you ever loved somebody put your hands up.

If you ever loved somebody put your hands up.

And now they're gone and you wish you could give them everything.

I said, if you ever loved somebody put your hands up.

If you ever loved somebody put your hands up.

And now they're gone and you wish you could give them everything.

And I was thinkin about her, thinkin about me.

Thinkin about us, what we gonna be?

Open my eyes, yeah; it was only just a dream.

So I travel back, down that road.

Who she come back? No one knows.

I realize, yeah, it was only just a dream.

Thrill

I  guess all i did  today is just keep listen to my nigga Nelly --Oh common! don't tell me that he isn't hot! look at that eyes!

Grrr....

i wish i could be those ass chicks there :P

anyway totally forgot what im gonna say ....

hate that when it happened!

oh i try to give my puppies away -that's a sad story ... but well i know that i couldn't take care of 7 puppies for sure so so far we got 2 pups gone and i had  couple people might interested in ...

let see how it goes!

oh oh -- i will be volunteering for "reach out for dropout kids on sept 25th so that is saturday and this coming friday i will be out building house with habitat of humanity -- it will be awesome!!!

First day back to Blogging

 Been an age since last blogs i put some of my crazy thought in... after my laptop broke and im way too lazy to move my lazy tan looking color ass in fromt of tv to my dining room where my pc is.. i think hey maybe i should do something about it

so today after sit at the gym, i realized maybe it is time to blog again and even i have no idea what i will write about which i know that i won't be anything about fashion nor cooking

i didn't say im bad at both,but let others who is better doing it

i might have those in from time to time,but won't be like oh tonight's menu is

or this is our fall fashion update even i am really prepared for my coming fall

i (don't tell my husband)accidently got 3 new shoes .. one hi-top sneckers, one really cute boots and the last one is awww.. you have to see them, they are awesome!! and yes-- i mean i accidently bought them.. no intentionly  to do so... trust me! 

oh well i don't expect anybody to read my blog like julie and julia or the swedish or finnish girl who is so good with her fashion style-- totally forgot her name,but i think it is Taivie or something -- please forgive me if i don't study about your name before i mentioned it-- your unique fashion is awesome and even the adult 26 years old size,but 13 years old brain like me just don't have a gut to do like you... 

you are awesome!! 

okay what should i open my blog about today.. Oh noticed that it is actually 10.54 pm (my favorite time) so not day anymore

okay rephrase that again-- what should i talk about tonight

bubble! yeah bubble! or another word my comfort zone

im a big fan of juice -- it is a free stand magazine at my city that im living it

i think i knew it since i moved to des moines

been 4 years now and yes-- i was in it once,but with the moron that i used to talk with-- hey not anymore... even i call myself have no friends friends here-- im still pick who i want to associated with ...  if can't find a good friend, better to not have one

i don't know about others,but it's me...

okay back to juice magazine - i know my mind is slip all the time so it is hard to keep in one thing when i have a maybe not million,but hundred things to talk about

so topic that they have on the cover is

i never ........

(stories of people stepping outside their comfort zone)

i didn't really really read the articles-- im lazy just like that 

by the way... they have 7 people did something outside their comfort zone

it is interesting to see what is their comfort zone is 

one is like reading twilight... 

err.. sorry vampire/warewolf fans-- i don't even see the movie so wtf am i gonna read the book..  but hey i have some of those stuffs in my house...

how?

when you have 9-10 years old girl who probably has her head around those other girls who crazy about them... result is sooner or later-- she will become like one..

nothing's wrong about it-- it comes, it goes!

not a big deal.. just i don't care

okay back to my points

what is my comfort zone?

where is my bubble?

i don't really know -- or i know,but i can't tell in word

maybe the second one

i hate people touch me especially if i don't know them,but hey i like to touch people and even i dont know them ....

i hate people using my personal stuffs unless i give them permission to use it

i don't like to exercise next to any guys -- i mean any men at the gym .. i just don't like it

it gives me some weird feeling and it is just disgust me

i hate fake people and if i don't care about going to jail,  i probably just fuck them up so they won't come near me

oh after all those i said-- i guess they might call my comfort zone

am i right?

oh well now im confuse and i want to end my blog for tonight...

just like that!!

i know i still be online for maybe 30 min try to figure this out,but

i do what i gotta do

peace!