seem like ....

am i gonna get busted--

oh well - at least , one thing i know- i didn't get long time to commit a sin- i guess it is a good thing

oh well - seem like i had pretty good day today-

dropped jd's mom at airport- it was fun having her with us for the whole weekend

i know that i did pretty bad plan,but hey at  least i tried and i don't know what she likes--

at least jd should tell me what to do-- not just like let me do all the planning and seem like she isn't interested  in

maybe again

the answer are-

(just like when jd and i have argument)

he doesn't care what im talking about

or

he doesn't really understand what i am talking about

so either he is stupid and yes- or i am stupid :)

not good!!!!

oh well

it passed!

well i went to my only sunday dimsum--

not so impressed with today food that i picked- that sucks!

maybe i should try to make those myself

they doesn't seem so difficult

i like maybe 3 out of 7 dishes

at least  almost half

i love noodle thing with shrimp, egg tarts and stir-fried noodle with chicken

what i didn't like

deep fried spring roll, deep friend crescent taro, sticky rice with pork and that vietnamese springroll - that isn't cool at all though

oh well maybe i won't go back there for awhile - or maybe just wait until next time, im going to chicago again

that's easy!!

then we went to day of death- mostly is about death of mexican people

love the music

at des moines art centre --

then we went to tequila again for 2 days in a row for mexican food

this time, i got grilled chicken salad- i like it,but not taco--

i still like taco at el blue mexican next to la tapatia

more!

then we went back to hang out with my sis again--

fatty ( or oonge in thai) is getting really soft and cute

- today i have a joke about he pooped in the house

well he pooped right after i took him out of his room- and then i took him to the backyard so he could run around then we came back inside

i started to smell some more poop and i think he is yes- poops again so i walked around loking for his poop

then i walked to kitchen to find out that ithe smell is actually food that my dad cooks

it is sad,but funny,huh?

anyway im sure that his food is taste good and everyone can eat it :)

then we left there maybe 6 something

it was okay day ---

except julie which something must going on wrong with her because she kept running her bad mouth since saturday -- still didn't stop until today

im really holding my temp and i think i did pretty good!!!

halloween was fun,but i felt so bad for jd's mom because we took her around and it is not really nice of me to did that to her-- im so sorry!!-maybe next time if she comes during halloween have to take her to some bars in west des moines- i think it is more and better for her to just sitting around but i still  be able to dance :)



Halloween woohoo!!!

Hey :0

Happy Halloween

it was fun

actually last night was my first time that i went around in costume

i was drunk pirate

 not many get it,but hey i don't care

jd was elvis -

and his mom was a cleopathra

but i just call her a queen

it is fun

nikki was there and she was a dark angel-- pretty cute

how can you walk in high heel like that

i wish i could actually :)

OH my gosh!!

Maybe today isn't my day :(

my one day boss just asked someone to told me that he doesn't want me to go to work on sunday anymore

ahhh.. that sucks!

i only work one day so now im unemployed again -- oh well 

think in the bright side- now if jd asked me to go to church with him, i can

and i also can do my exercise 7 days a week instead of 6 days a week

the bad things 

 i still have to drive to altoona just to shopping

 i won't get leftover for my lovely angel anymore-- it is like her weekly treats

what else- i will lose $45 -- not that much,but i usually use those to be my shopping spree

thinking on the bright side

it will be winter so i won't have to drive in snow

i won't have to wake up early and be there at 9 to just fill ice in the line

i don't have to spend 13 hours there to just read the book ( actually i like to do this though -- free food, free money without doing anything much )

anyway i don't have to be with those two mexicans that seem like they both have hit on me --

don't have to drive that far to altoona and yes- it mean less gas to spend

i guess it actually a good time for him to not using me :)

just in time :)

oh well they all bad and good so whatever - not a big deal :)

i just don't wanna be home on the weekend

it is kinda sucks!

oh talking about my facebook

i think my friend might get hack on his account

asking me to lend him $3500

that's a bit too much!

Saturday -- OH im beening an ass....

Not cool!!!

i know--

actually this week have been a week of laziness --

i didn't do my exercise routine at all... i know-- that sucks!!

i should do my 8.30 am with an hour an a half, i didn't do it!

i should be waking up at 7.30 , i didn't do it

i should take shower everyday and hehe you know the answer

oh well hope next  week will be better

at least im still keep going to gym

that's one good thing,right?

still have to do couple things for my garage gym--

seem like my laptop wrking so i don't have to buy tv or portable dvd player

save about $100 or more-- that's good

im gonna go return my boots at marshall,too

ca't wear that-- not cool!!

but i got my another winter boots from burlington so i guess it's called substitute :)

still have to set my exercise routine i think i will keep it for every month and change it-- will be good then :)

okay that's it for now

oh this i just remember -- it is really bad

i didn't do volunteer yesterdwy with habitata

and again not today with grey's lake-- im so bad!!!

not good!!



Once he said

My sometimes lovely husband said to me couple days ago that a lot of job that I'm interested. Most guys do it because they want to have power feel having authority, but gals do because they willing to help.
Yes! I wanna be police officer, firefighter and be part of army. Funny that I never want to be nurse or doctor. Oh well I'm thinking about be a teacher but since I don't really have such a good brain so I cut that thought out ;)
What else do I wanna be? Attorney and be part of UN would be really awesome!

okay I'm done -- dropped the box at the post office
Return books at library
Check for ashley's bike at target
Zumba + biking for hour and 30 minutes

Didn't do p90x cuz I had Ashley at 11am and still haven't get the ink
Might stop by library tomorrow to check out used mag
Hope that I could go to central library to borrow couple books I saw
Maybe I might get chance to have lunch out on Thursday

Surprise party

this guy is super hot and Ohhh myyy goshhhhh he is so funny!!!

Last night dream

I had some good and weird dreams last night

not just  one, i think i dream maybe every times that i woke up and went back to bed

didn't remember them all,but there are couple that i could remember

one is about my high school biggest ever crush

for 2 years -can you believe that?

i started to see him - i didn't really remember,but since i see him more often, i start to like him more and more

it probably when i was in 10th grade- pretty sure about that

i have 4 closed friends by that time and "TU" is his name

with his arrogant face, don't care about anything that really round like salapao :)

i came up with name "TU" for him -- so sad,but hey i love that name

anyway i never talked to him

never ever ever talk to him and by that time, i also have couple more crush on those other senior and junior so he isn't my biggest one,but it grows

"Tong" is my first biggest crush, i think i even have his picture taken- my hands are shaken,but i had him sign on my friendship book even he isn't my friend -- haha

then i had another guy name  " ... something with korn at the end" i do have his picture and yes- he is my mom's former student

then "tu" never ever had his picture taken because im so scare and more picture that i had of him is my paparazi picture-- haha

anyway talking about dream

since i never talked to him so i have no idea what is his voice like

even in my dream ...

so he was doing some service helping to give away meal or something

i was one of those peope who get lunch from him - i was on the line with my friend,but im the first one

it was shaken moment to get the food from him so i tried to do as quick as possible to calm my nervously mind so after i past him everything back to normal then he talked with my friend about set a date with me and take me out somewhere

omg! even in my dream, i know it is a dream so i woke up-

suck!

i know!

well then i tried t go back sleep just in case, i might get chance to at least have a date with him in my dream,but my dream changed

the second story--

i was at my middle school field

im like in 3rd year in university

i was assigned to be '#1' in the game which i have no clue what game are we  playing

we played with a bunch of kids and for some reason, we are done and going to the beach with them

there was 4-5 buses and with our not good organized plan

there are a bunch of kid went on the first couple bus and even have one kid fell from the bus

anyway i think i run to help him and put him in the same bus that i am in

i sat with another one of my crush - Pong is his name

anyway i sat next to the window and mostly just watched outside with those view and everything

anyway my crush starts to hld my handand rub my fingers

weird, isn't?

i felt good to have someone to hold your hand like that,but also feel really weird in the same time

i like it,but also i don't comfortable with it

i think maybe even  in my dream i don'tknow that im married,but in my mind, i know that i am

maybe that's why

still alive!!!

last couple blogs that i wrote always so depressing, i know and yes i am that kind of person-

anyway now i start to stand again on my feet and try not to do anything that im not suppose to do

if i have any question, i start to speak up and don't hold it inside of me to hold me down

i haven't go exercise which i feel regret for it,but i will start itagain today-

i have it with me and i have a lot of time--

i won't be so disappointed that my plan didn't go through

same thing like everyday

on mon to wed, i have to babysit my niece - she was here on monday

and she supposed to be here on tuesday seem like her parent changed their plan so now i have to make aother plan-

it sucks when people doesn't do what they suppost to do,but in another hand, i can do ahead and do whatever im suppose to do without bring kid with me

oh well that is a good thing, i guess

so today i got to do something and got not to do something

drop the box at post office

put money in the bank which i will do that tomorrow

drop the books at library which i can do that when i go to gym - i guess i will wait to drop box the same time

check out ashley's bike at target so i will do that when im going to gym,too

bike+zumba and stair master at gym

bestbuy to get ink, i will wait for that on thursday after my interview so i have jd to go check tv and dvd with me

wash my car --gotta get a lot of quarter :)

maybe after im done this, i will do my p90x -just dothe weight lifting thing so it won't be too much noise

still have to clean house before jd's mom comes

i found volunteer on thankgive and christmas day- i do really hope that i could do some of those,but family must come first so i will ask jd about that

maybe we can all do together on christmas day

so far, i have a lot of fun with volunteer even sometimes i met couple jerks and assholes,but i guess that is a life--

if i start working i will be able to look back that there are asshole ans jerk everywhere!!

no matter where you go,but at least i can choose not to be like one!!!

i hope that soon i will be able to work and take care of my mom's monthly money like before

hope soon!



TGIF

actually i don't like friday much

why?

because i know that in the weekend i will have that blond kid with my the whole week and not so much fun even i can go out somewhere

anyway i did something out of my bubble again

i did her hair last night which was give her some extra time to be on ipod and i even did clean kitchen for her this morning because i know that it will take awhile if i let her doing that

anyway she still have to do it soon or later

today it was okay--

i think i already ate too much!!

not cool--

anyway i might take julie for run around grey lake's this evening-- it might be a little good exercise and make her think a bit away from being reading or whatever!!

all my friends talk about going to the beach-sad that all the beach here is actually lake,but i just try to make the best out of it!!!



continue

okay i know what i did was totally disrespectful

i know that on wednesday that blond has early school so i left the house maybe 1 pm

so i went to applebee's and wasted my $40 -- how can i do that??

anyway the food was great,but i know that i won't be missing it for awhile

then i got myself waste in the mall for 2 hours or more

anyway i went to library too and i know that i could use my  card there

awesome!!!

then i went to gym

for 2 hours-- didn't see people that i usually see

anyway im sure that those trainers think that im really snob so none of them want to help me anything--

oh well i don't even care

then i came home after everybody left from the blond kid's b-day party

then yes- the time was awesome! i had the big arguement with jd and yes- i know and pretty sure now that he still doesnt really are much

same thing to that blond kid--

even spend an hour told her what not to do--and yes--that what was the first thing that she did in the morning- right after she got up

fuck that!

anyway im trying that i ain't gonna get mad so after i took my shower-- things clam down a bit so i told her about that

i hope she gets it,but i know that again deep down she doesn't care

same  thing to couple things this morning-her dad seriously told her that he or even myself don't want to hear the word i don't care from her so i spend her little brain and said something else instead of i forgot-- smart little brat!!

still not happy with life,but i try my best to not be so upset with life



great!!!

okay what to start--

what could be worst between have a stepdaughter who doesn't give a fuck to anything .. good at pretending and be such a brat- never appreciated thing in life- doesn't listen, doesn't care and all she care is herself and only herself and yes! i hate everything about her

or have a husband who never really care about you- he said like he cares,but from his behavior is like nothing-- everthing that i say seem just like a wind that blow pass him and gone- not even feel it. only care about his tv and his porn

doesn't do anything at all around the house - i understand that he works,but even on his day offs- the only thing that i see is wake up-watch porn with smoking, then move his lazy ass to the couch watch tv, wait for me to cook and bring to him then watch tv the whole day until he falls into sleep

sex sucks and i don't even feel anything -

i understand that i don't work right now so all i can do is does the house work,but the funny part was even i was working for 3 stright years- i was doing the same thing- and yes, i wasn't really home much to see all this,but it was all the same even now and then

yes- im trap and i know that i can leave any time that i want,but why do i want to waste my 3 years almost 4 years in hell when im almost can be doing everything legally

so now im just try to stay away from the house as much as i can - get everything that im supposed to be get. do whatever that i could

im not that stupid person that lost something and willingly to  lost the whole thing

whatever people might say that im mean or whatever

why don't you try to be in my shoe one day

im in this shoe for 4 years and i just cant really take this anymore

im want it to be over as soon as i can

im done!



Day!

 today i don't know what i am gonna do-- really...

well maybe bake some brownie and make some clam chowder for jd

heis sick-- i felt bad about it,but again

i don't give a FUCK! if you are sick and gonna throw how suffering you are to me- fuck off!!!

i am your wife,but i don't have to listen to how bad you are sick and you can throw your shit to me becuase you are sick--

sorry,but that isn't an excuse to talk like doucebag to me-

im sorry!!

anyway here was happen yesterday

he decided to get his lovely brat daughter ipod

i understand that a lot of kid these day have it at pretty young age

a lot of them even younger that his brat daughter

but im sure couple things that they have,but we don't have

their kid know how to take care stuffs

their kid has more responsibilites to their that their own and know how to spend time with it

their parent can make at least $3500 a month or more

here is what my family has

a brat that doesn't know how to take care of her stuffs

a brat that say everybody at school have this and a stupid dad that oh well everybody at school have this, let get it

a stupid dad that using his own addicted to game find a reason to buy his daughter so they can play game together

a family that can't even liveto the end of month by month without worry about money and even borrow money from my dad and can't even return it back just like what he said or told me

a family that can't even afford to fix the house , fix the basement and do nothing about backyard

a family think they have to have just like everybody else and never enough or look back at what he could make to fulfill what he wants

yes-- that's my fuck up family

i can't say that i am not a good know- how to spend money

i have really bad weakness with shoes especially boots

i have a lot of them and yes, i have only 2 feets

i have tons of clothes that i don't even wear and yes, i have only 1 body to wear things in a day

i have ton of book that i maybe only read once or maybe just few pages and put down

but everytimes i got mad, i just go spend his money or my money if i have some --

the more, i bought- i more i even feel bad in myself and yes- it didn't really stop me to not mad at them

anyway i hate that i don't have ajob right now and all i can think is leave the house - stay here as less as i could

do what im supposed to do and leave

im glad that i have gym membership so i just spend  time there at least 2 hours a day and just walking around shopping mall then i spend money again even a lot of time i just want to try them on

i found friend or maybe i could use work friend that only text me when he wants to use me

that sucks! yes--

he wil text me on friday or saturday-- say what's up? wanna party? and then the destinationg is like boone, ames or even his friends' house and all he wants from me is give him a ride home

that's okay for first second time,but he never pays attetion to me or even introduce me to his friends so all i did there  was just sat there, smiling to whoever like a brainless doll

hell no!

i dont think i deserve that - not at all

so im just let it out right here

my family is fucked up and i never want to fix it

all i want is to leave here go somewhere as far as i can

a brat step-daughter that i don't want to give a fuck to

just feed her and leave her

i even tried to do some homework- math and reading with her--

all i hear back is im bored, im tired and im stupid

yes you are stupid and i don't want to give a fuck about it no more

if you choose to be stupid, rackless and be whatever just like everybody else in your family or your school- your choice

im just leave here whenever my time comes and you will be just the stink wind that blow pass me and gone

husband that never care anything at all about me - all he cares is tv, porn and yes back to tv again

don't think i didn't try-- i did,but i just can't fix it if the person have no will to change- i will let it slip and never give a damn about it anymore

i got no friend  here and yes- i don't really looking for one or if i can't find one that fit my need of friend- why do i have to have one that i know that all they want is just using me

i don't need more people to use me more in my life

been 4 years since and things never feel up- always down to hell or maybe even deeper

stress everyday

never happy

why do i want to be here

can somebody tell me?

Damn Day!!!

 Today i went to volunteer again--

my 6th time there.....

counted from first thursday -- carry things around with a lot of bruises that came probaly a few days later,but i love that day...

back again on thursday- met couple cool people which i can't remember now - still pretty okay-- oh house number 9 with mary jane, i thin her name is -- it is nice,but there was couple hour that i didn't like

then friday, i met aaron and leslie .. cool people to work around and im in love with this day..

saturday- i was cold same as those two assholes plus that douchbag -house lead which i never want to go back work with him ever ..oh well i decided to leave early because weather,too -- not a good day at volunteer

back again next -next thursday.. i wish i could do rock on the block because it is my birthday,but i guess they deserve that to company and his sponser.. person with nothing like me- why they have to care,right?

oh well i just do what they allow me to do then..

anyway i went back on thursday sept30th,

it was okay day- i finished my painting on one side of the house-- with the girl named crystal- she is kinda loud,but it was fun listen to her

today- friday-- met leslie again.. glad that i met her so today, we done a couple things like touch-up in the house.. they house look great and i love it

oh i met those dmac crew,too-- not today though-- it is nice to see them around.. at least i have couple looking good kid to watch-- haha

anyway today i started  have feeling that i don't want to do anything with jd's kid again-- she is such a kid with trouble with me and have a vibe of " i don't give a fuck what you are doing"

i just don't want to do anything with her at all...

and i just had really bad dinner.. bad day (after done volunteer), bad ride home with jd, bad at everything after 4.30 pm, didn't get chance to go to gym-but it was my choice--

it was just a damn day!